Jokes/pickuplines&quotes

[KillerSK]

This is a new thread! Give it a try!
Here we can post funny jokes, random pickuplines (might help the guys a little :b) and quotes or other funny things.

Example could be:
Jokes can be like funny jokes or story-comebacks:
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Kid: Dad I got detention today.
Dad: Why?
Kid: The teacher pointed a stick at me and said: There is an idiot at the end of this stick.
Dad: Then what?
Me: I asked which end?
Dad: That's my boy.

Pickuplines (I got plenty of those :b) can be cute, romantic or more daring:
Of all your beautiful curves, your smile is my favorite.
I want to be you teardrop, so I can be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks and die on your lips.
Hey my name is Killer (use your name) but you can call me tonight ^.-

Quotes:
Dont tell people your dreams. Show them!
If you really want to do something you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.

Let us give this idea a try

 

[KillerSK]

No forum rules on this thread, just spam and go nuts!

 

[Havoc]

Nice thread Killer.

Let me see what i can pick out of my sleeve.

An old pickup line: How was heaven when you left. *Warning* Should not be used, else you will continue to be a virgin.

Women joke: For women wages and menstruation is the same.
- They get it once a month
- It lasts for 7-8 days.
- And if it doesn't come, they're screwed.

Another one: Why are all Hurricanes named after women?
- Because they're wet, wild when they comes, and they take both house and car with them when they leave.

I'll come back with more, it's late.

 

[Soph]

Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in between them. Why? Because there's no place like home.

 

[KillerSK]

What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?

Gum ....

I dont even wanna know what you all were thinking :b

 

[Soph]

Why is the blondies bellybutton bruised?
- Because her husband is blonde too

 

[Havoc]

Quote/citat: God gave men a penis and a brain, but sadly not blood enough for both to work at the same time.

What is the similarity between women and hens? Both have a big ass, little brain, and loves to sit on a stick.

What is the similarity between women and onions? When you pick the outer layer of, the rest makes you wanna cry.

 

[KillerSK]

Damn the last one is harsh Klovn!

So why do women have orgasms? Just another reason to moan, really. :b

 

[Soph]

Why cant most men have "mypenis" as password?
Its just not long enough!

 

[Havoc]

Why does married women weight more than single women?
Because single women go home, look what's in the fridge, and go to bed. While married women go home, look what's in the bed, and go to the fridge....

One buttock to the other: Shouldn't we try to be friends? There have been so much shit between us...

Mixed feelings, is when mother in law drives out of a deep abyss, with no chance of survival, but in your new car....

What did one wall say to another? We meet on the corner. Haha ikr

If a girl tells you that she's cold
Tell her to go to the corner, there's 90 degrees.

 

[KillerSK]

If Chrismas was your right leg and Eastern was your left leg would you let me come and visit you for dinner between the holidays? WORKS ON ALL GIRLS! Do not use this unless you want a slap in the face :b

 

[KillerSK]

Arent there any other besides Klovn and Soph who has something up their sleeve? Come on guys!!!!! :b

Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button, you are in deep shit.

What kind of bees produce milk? Boobies....

I bet Earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

Quote:
Dont wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.

 

[Kyle]

Boy: Dad i just had sex for the first time!
Dad: Nice! Come sit down and tell me about it.
Boy: I can't sit down..
Dad: Why not?
Boy: My ass hurts.

 

[Soph]

quote; Dont lose hope, you never know what tomorrow will bring. (got that tattooed on my arm, love it)

 

[Havoc]

quote; Dont lose hope, you never know what tomorrow will bring. (got that tattooed on my arm, love it)

Pics or didn't happen.

 

[Soph]

hmm ill fix that tomorrow klovn ;D

 

[susano]

I hate distance. You meet the best people and they are always far away.

 

[deadone]

How did i escape Iraq?
Iran.

lel sry guys all i could come up with:/

 

[Havoc]

Few random jokes i found.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me. (you need to think here)

 

[AlawY]

quote: If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself